Two Hearts Broken. Or Maybe Just One.

Isn't it great to wake up feeling you're on top of the world, to know that you have someone special in your life to turn to anytime when you're down? You find the corners of your mouth turning up uncontrollably and it's wondrous happiness but what if it's taken away?

The annoying alarm rings vibrate and spoil your sweet dream. You snooze it for another ten-minute sleep and finally get up to blame the rings for destroying your wonderful dream. It's an irritating reminder of reality and that two loving hearts are still miles apart. You get out of bed and drag yourself to the bathroom, wishing you were still asleep. You put on your working uniform and reluctantly drive to work.

Before you reach, you change your mind abruptly and decide to self-declare an off day like you did the last time. You make up excuses and tell your partner that you'll be late for work. You think you deserve the best employee award. You feel it's okay to not go just because you're downhearted. You run away from responsibilities.

You drive around without destinations. Your vision is getting blurred. You find it hard to breathe and all you can taste is this salty saline solution dripping down from your eyes. After you wipe it off, it comes running down again. You feel that the world is crashing down around you. That someone important who has been watching over you decided to walk out of your life during your darkest days for some reasons.

You are lost. You're sure you never asked for more but he made this decision which he thought was best. You wanted to run this relationship as a team but he chose to fight the battles alone. He chose to give up on the never-ending kisses, the romantic fantasies, the wish list and the dreams shared. You held on tightly no matter what it takes but he let go easily. Your heart starts to bleed, thinking that you're a burden he wanted to lift off his shoulders or maybe he wanted to have more options. You don't wanna make assumptions but they're probably the only few reasons you can think of.

You give your ugly broken smiles but sadly nothing can replace reality. What should you do next? What should I do? Should I end this chapter or leave it without an ending?

I crumpled my wish list paper, tore it into pieces and held the pieces in my cupped hands. After pondering for awhile, I decided to keep it for reference or maybe one day I'll leave them to be taken by the breeze. But not today.