Key Moments in Life

I Need Room To Breathe

2009-12-26T20:42:00.005+08:00

It's not easy to live with strangers, especially in the same room. I always felt awkward since I moved into the dorm and share a room with two other roommates whom I didn't know and don't know very well. We have total different habits. I'm a night owl and they're early birds. I used to tip-toe in the middle of the night, do my thing in the dark and wake up to the TV at the break of dawn. I didn't wanna compromise anymore so I found a place to live off-campus. It's an efficiency bedroom right downtown. Since I don't have any furniture, I'm sleeping on my hobo bed for now. Not the comfiest but bearable. Despite that, I love my new room and most importantly, I love my space!

First Christmas In The States

2009-12-26T19:30:00.008+08:00

It was my first Christmas in the states! My day started with watching Avatar in 3D at the theater with Nesta. It was an awesome movie! It was by far, one of the best movies I've ever seen in years. But sadly, 3D movies make me sick, literally! My head was spinning in circles. I felt nauseated and dizzy but my eyes were just glued on the screen because the movie was so good. Too good to even miss a second.

After the movie, I went over to Nesta's family dinner. There was a table of home-cooked food, a pile of presents with colorful ribbons and a family of loving people. The room was filled with fun and laughter as everybody socialized around the dining table. Then, it was unwrapping presents time. I wasn't very excited as I was the one who picked my own gift. But of course, thank you Nesta for the hair dryer! Not forgetting the hospitality and the yummy food. You made my first Christmas in the states so merry!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T10:50:00.005+08:00

It was my first Thanksgiving in my entire life and I was invited to Jean's house for dinner with her family. Jean is my FIS friend and if you're wondering what FIS is, it's Friends of International Students - an organization where each international student who participates is paired with volunteers in the Iowa City area who are interested in helping or making friends with international students.

Jean had her granddaughter, Michal to pick me up in the afternoon. I was pretty nervous at first. I was being the usual shy person I am around strangers, but Jean and her family was welcoming, friendly and gracious, which helped me be less scared. I bought Jean and her family a meat and cheese gift box because I thought it was necessary when she totally wasn't expecting a gift at all. We were then sipping wine, chatting over the dinner table and enjoying the scumptious food. I enjoyed the homely atmosphere, the lovely people and the delectable food. It was a more than decent dinner.

She's a wonderful lady and a great friend =)

"Anyong-haseyo" Who Left For Maine

2009-11-13T17:53:00.004+08:00

"Be realistic." That was all you said to me which made me cry a river.

Halloween

2009-11-03T12:22:00.006+08:00

Halloween's quite different from what I expected. It's more like a sexy dress up Halloween day. What does Lady Gaga or Little Debbie or a man with three-foot-long pennis have to do with something scary? Anyway, I talked to friends about what to wear and if dressing up as a gothic Victorian would be a great idea but my friends protested, "NOOOOOOO! Nothing scary but sexy." Then, I was told a hundred times that Halloween here is a dress up party and I ended up getting a French Maid costume.

The scariest thing I saw that night was a man in a clown mask looking out the window while driving a car which sent a shiver down my spine and reminded me of IT Clown. This.

I'm anti-clown.

Love And Friendship Betrayal

2009-10-29T06:30:00.011+08:00

Love is a horrible thing when it goes wrong. It made me vulnerable. It led me to open up my heart and allow someone to mess it up. Then, a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' broke my heart into a million pieces. It was excruciating pain but love is not only a feeling, it could be a choice and I'll find myself proudly saying, "Yeah, I moved on and I'm enjoying the company of a new friend now." Oh well, friendship lasts longer than love after all.

On the other hand, what can be worse than betrayal of a friend or a person you thought was your friend? I wonder why I never saw through the I-am-a-goody-girl-and-true-friend mask that you've been wearing for so long but now that you've revealed your devil fangs, tail and horns, I've built up a whole suit of armor so that you won't be able to hurt me again.

"We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal." - Tennessee Williams

Tequila, Lime, Salt

2009-10-25T22:48:00.009+08:00

Shots of this Mexican liquor is one hell of my favorite drink to order at bars but I paid the consequences for taking seven shots in one and a half hours. Yeah, I'm a super lightweight drinker and I know it.

Friday night was a disaster. I'd rather not elaborate but the night started with Tequila, lime, salt and ended with vomit, cops, fragmentary blackouts. I can taste alcohol and blood in my mouth still and it's nasty. I'm never gonna drink like that again.

May Wee Hung's birthday be extra special and filled with goodies! ~~<{@

Currier Hall E408

2009-09-27T19:07:00.011+08:00

I'm staying in the dorms for the first semester but hopefully I'll get an off-campus apartment soon. It's way cheaper than staying in the halls. My residence hall, Currier is located in the East Campus. It includes a baby grand piano in the main lounge, a fitness center, a computer lab, a marketplace and a quiet studying area. I was assigned to a triple-bedroom with two other roommates. One from Bettendorf, IA and another from Japan. Here are pictures of how my room looked like before we moved the tables and beds.

A sink to the right of the doorway. My bed and desk to the left of the doorway.

My closet.

Macbride Hall

2009-09-23T08:04:00.020+08:00

Macbride Hall was one of the five buildings of the Pentacrest on the campus of the University of Iowa. Yoojin and I was really bored so we decided to explore the museums in Macbride Hall.

This is the auditorium where I have my Statistics lectures at.

The Museum of Natural History.

The Hall of Mammals.

This huge thing which was hanging above my head reminded me of "Night at the Museum". Pandas are one of the cutest things on earth!

The Hall of Birds.

Ice Cream Social

2009-08-29T08:47:00.011+08:00

Ice Cream Social is an event organized by the Office of International Students and Scholars (OISS) on the Pentacrest Lawn. Suresh, Soung and I just basically went there for free ice creams after our trip to Crossroads Tattoo in Coralville where Soung made his appointment on Saturday for his "Kaizen" (Japanese for "Improvement") tattoo. It's quite a good choice, I think since he gotta make massive improvements in himself and that's gonna be a lifetime reminder. There's nothing much to talk about except for some pictures to see.

Look at Suresh! How on earth did he manage to do that? And I'm not talking about how good he is at performing his "sticking-spoon-on-nose" stunt but didn't he realize that he was actually doing a "sticking-dirty-contaminated-spoon-filled-with-saliva-on-nose" stunt? Ew, that's kinda gross!

Coming back to ice creams. I'm growing to love strawberry toppings and I'm so addicted to Whitey's yogurt ice creams. I just can't get enough of those!

Frisbee Golf

2009-08-13T07:41:00.008+08:00

I've heard of frisbee but never have I heard of frisbee golf. Frisbee golf also known as disc golf is a game in which players have to throw their discs into a basket. The fewer number of throws the better. So it's pretty much the same as golf.

Last Sunday, Madison invited me and Suresh over to his crib for hamburgers. His house is huge! The decorations and a fireplace gives it a cozy feeling that gives Suresh another reason to live in the states =P

After eating hamburgers, we went to the Turkey Creek for some fun frisbee golf time with Madison's twin brother, Queenie. Suresh's first throw was terrible! It landed by the side of the road but after a few throws, he got better! Halfway through the game, Madison gave me a rainbow disc to join in the fun. Needless to say, I did worse than Suresh. My number of throws were triple theirs and so I ended up taking pictures!

The Surroundings Around Motel 6

2009-08-13T06:50:00.009+08:00

Motel 6 is in Coralville and there are not many places to go around here except for food outlets. It's where starving to death would be the last thing that would happen here.

This is a BP gas station right next to the motel.

The Edge Restaurant where Madison warned us not to go.

The Cancun Mexican Restaurant.

KFC.

Burger King.

Super 8 Inn.

Crossroads Tattoo where Suresh wanted to get a tattoo but too bad, it was closed.

Golfzilla, a salon and some other shops.

Bruegger's Bagel Bakery where we had branch before going downtown.

My "Four Cheese & Tomato".

Suresh would walk for miles just for his "Tuna Paninis".

Arby's.

My Roast Chicken Club at Arby's.

It was damn good! *Slurp*.

I'll upload more pictures after I explore downtown. Feeling a little lazy now and I'm so hating blogspot's photo uploader. BOO! *Thumbs down*.

Motel 6: Room 243

2009-08-11T21:56:00.006+08:00

Since we're here before the 15th which is our check-in date, we're forced to stay at a motel. After doing a survey online on the motels/hotels with my brother back in Malaysia, we decided on staying in a room at Motel 6 which offers the most reasonable price. So, here we are at Motel 6 and it's where we're gonna stay at for freaking 10 days!

This is Motel 6.And this is how our room and the bathroom looks like.
It's not so bad. Well, at least we have no complaints so far.

Journey To The West

2009-08-07T14:54:00.014+08:00

I'd been counting the days till the 5th of August which was the day I had to leave Malaysia. I always wanted to go to the states but when this day was near, I felt more and more reluctant to get on the plane. I knew I would miss home. Home is where I could get housekeeping, consulting, catering, cab, dishwashing and other services for free! It's such a shame to not know how lucky I was to wake up in the afternoon to find a cup of Milo and breakfast lying on the table. These days are gone!

I couldn't believe that everything was happening. Even before I went up the plane, I still couldn't accept the fact that I was leaving. I didn't want my friends to go but they insisted on sending me off. Like I said, I have amazing friends and it's hard to not love them. By the time I was leaving, I tried to hold back my tears and give my widest smile. I don't know how ugly it was but I think I managed to smile. It was just mixed emotions which is hard to explain in words. Here are some pictures taken at KLIA.

Let me introduce to you my partner in crime, Suresh!

Getting my last lecture + advice from Sebastian & Mama.

My bro, Sebastian.

World's best mum!

Okay, this is not taken at KLIA but Wei Hong came for the last dinner.My super good friend, Li Min.

Girlfriends, from the left, Chen Xiao, Selina and Victoria ~~<{@

My flight to Singapore was earlier than Suresh's flight. So I reached Changi Airport before him and took a tiresome stroll in the airport. After he arrived, we had dinner at Burger's King and had nothing better to do than to transform into camwhores to keep ourselves awake. Imagine that, 8 long hours from 10pm to 6am. You can't blame us for not being ourselves! Here are some pictures taken at Changi Airport.

Then, we took a couple more pictures in the plane and after we arrived at Hong Kong's airport for transit.

After that, we had a 14-hour flight to Chicago and half way through, my butt and backbones were aching like shit but couldn't do much about it. I tried every sitting position to make myself comfortable but none of them help and *whispers: I hated the guy who sat next to me.* *yells: He's bloody inconsiderate!!!* I'm just glad it's over. I can now breathe a sigh of relief. Phew!

In Chicago, we had to go through immigration and custom checks and one of the staffs there was a pain in the ass. We were in a hurry to go on to the next flight and this staff who was processing Suresh's documents took her own sweet time, eating watermelon. Yeah and we missed our flight to Chicago but thank God we didn't have to pay for it and we met this new amazing friend, Madison and his mum in the plane. They not only gave us a free ride to the motel and also gave us a free tour around the campus. Should I say we were damn lucky to miss the previous flight?

Due to unforseen circumstances, Suresh's baggage was checked-in to a later flight and he needed to buy some new clothes otherwise, he would stink like shit and so we took a cab to the world's largest retail, Wal-Mart! By the time we reached the motel, I was completely washed-out and I went to bed dog-tired.

Best thing always comes last. This is one of my favorites. They're the two V.V.I.P of my life. <3

And no matter what, I'll always remember the way back home, always.

Friends First

2009-07-23T04:52:00.004+08:00

Friends First by Jeff Roher

I ask you for forgiveness;
For what?
I really do not know,
I ask you for understanding;
As to why?
We never had a chance to grow.

Emotions overflowing;
Everything moving so fast,
Making my world a blur,
Everything with you felt so right,
So beautiful, and then just like that,
It was over.

It was over -
Really just what was "it",
That was never meant to last?
I was living in the moment,
Under a spell from which,
Your beauty cast.

Two people that shared,
A few precious moments in time together,
We shared too much, too fast,
None of which I regret, whatsoever.

It was over, I think not,
Maybe a new beginning to an abrupt end,
A new chance for us,
To enjoy a new friend.

Footprints left in the sand,
Can be made by anyone wherever, whenever,
Footprints left in the heart,
Made by a friend lasts forever.

Two people so perfect for each other,
Two birds of the same feather,
Friends first was our promise,
Friends we will remain together.

Annoying Hic...Hiccups!

2009-07-17T22:17:00.005+08:00

Ugh, the hiccups were killing me! I drank a lot of water but failed to get rid of them. I wanted a 10-second way to cure them and so I googled cure for hiccups. Then, I found a quick and effective way and it worked great!

It's called the "Drink Entire Glass Of Water While Blocking Both Ear And Nose" Method
1. Fill to the brim a glass of water.
2. With your thumbs, plug your ears.
3. With your index fingers, plug your nostrils (squeeze to close).
4. With both ears and nostrils plugged, use your remaining free fingers to grasp the glass and raise it to your mouth.
5. Drink the entire glass of water without releasing ears or nostrils.
6. YOU MUST FINISH THE ENTIRE GLASS OF WATER without releasing ears or nostrils.
7. Once empty, gently place the glass on the table and SLOWLY unplug ears and nostrils and take a first breath.
8. Hiccups are gone!
IMPORTANT: PLEASE AVOID ATTEMPTING THIS CURE IN THE PRESENCE OF people who will make fun of you and try to make you laugh.
DO IT ALONE THE FIRST TIME and you'll soon be able to suggest it to your friends and other 'unbelievers'.

Source: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/how-to-cure-hiccups.html

I followed all 7 steps which led to a result of 8. So, yaaaaaaaaay!!!

My "To Must Do List"

2009-07-17T01:02:00.004+08:00

Every line across the items on my list takes me closer to where I wanna be.

1. ~~Apply for a passport.~~
2. ~~Pay the SEVIS fee.~~
3. ~~Pay Alliance Bank the visa application fee.~~
4. ~~Book the interview date with U.S. embassy.~~
5. Prepare the documents for the interview. Almost done.
6. Go for medical check up and feel the needles in my veins.
7. ~~Book a room in the hostel.~~
8. Book flight ticket.
9. Shop!

I'm almost there, I think.

Chasing My Dreams

2009-07-16T18:58:00.004+08:00

Every decisive step leads me closer to my dreams and the time I step into a land of glittering dreams, that will be the day when I start to dream new dreams but at the same time not forgetting the road that will lead me home again.

Some people dream, some make them come true!

The Alliance Bank Incident

2009-07-10T19:51:00.005+08:00

It was a moment of carelessness that led to this disaster on the road. Thank God it wasn't that serious but still my cousin's car was badly damaged and this lesson was paid to be bitterly learned.

The scattered pieces of I'm-not-sure-what flew up the dented bonnet. They were probably the broken pieces of the headlight. That was when my soul came out to wander. My mind went blank but in this state, I managed to signal to the left and stop by the roadside. The panicky me got down from the car and stared blankly at the truck driver till the kind uncle reminded me to call my parents and so I did. Then, I rushed to Alliance Bank to pay for the visa application fee and waited till mum arrived. Surprisingly, I didn't get any scoldings which made me feel even guiltier. It was clearly my fault but I learned my lesson well.

There's always a first time to everything. Almost everything.

My Own Version Of Shrek

2009-07-02T02:51:00.008+08:00

Shrek's heart is sour being left alone in the deafening silence, with no Princess Fiona, not even donkey, just he and his swamp. It's really not easy being abandoned by choice and now Shrek is left with no choice but to build a ten-foot wall around him.

Fairy tales don't always have happy endings, do they?

Karaoke Marathon

2009-06-25T14:48:00.007+08:00

Lately, I've been doing a lot of Karaoke with friends who love to sing and I'm starting to get bored of it. Five times a week is too much and since this is my last week of work, I don't wanna give myself anymore extended lunch breaks just for the sake of singing.

So there are a few of my current favorite videos on youtube which HJ recommended and thought they might suit my mood. Yes, they do and that's why they're what I've been listening to lately.

This is my favorite duet song which Yu recommended.

坏人 is one of HJ's favorite and this scene in the MTV reminds me of someone.

Precious Memories

2009-06-19T04:03:00.007+08:00

After work, I drove around the places where we used to go and stopped by the roadside with this ICED coconut milkshake in my hand. Or should I say "FROZEN coconut milkshake"? Whatever it is, I still need to thank lovely Tigger for it.

Today, I reminisced on sweet memories. It was a night filled with sentimental moments on this pathetic little bench by Malacca River where we took turns to lie down on our sweaty backs and trust me, I can still remember the stinky smell of your shirt (Eww..) as strong as I can remember the smell of Armani (Ahh..)!

I pictured you giving me a piggy back ride without your shirt on and no, I didn't get down the car to jog but I felt good to watch the scenes repeating in the back of my head.

I see your face in my mind, all the time. I can still smell you on random days and sometimes, I stare blankly and picture you standing, watching me from the glass window at my workplace, drinking from a bottle with your hand in your pocket, like this one time. I remember that smile and the look in your eyes. You're far away and it seems like impossible to lay my hands on you but I would rather choose to continue living in my fairy tale fantasies like how I always imagine you walking into my counter, surprising me, just so I can feel you here with me.

I miss how you held my hand in Sushi King. I miss the way you used to say "Shh..." to calm my fears. I miss making 'gold' our chat topic. I miss how we let our imaginations run wild. I miss the laughter we shared. Your words. Many, many, many smiles and some tears. I miss everything about you.

At the moment, "All Out Of Love" is my current favorite song. You requested to sing it both times we went karaoke and I didn't expect myself to be singing it alone in this petite room which seemed to be so huge without you around. I wish to see you again. I miss being with you. *Grabs pen and quickly includes this into my wish list*. Yes, I <3 to dream!

And I wanna make it come true =)

Two Hearts Broken. Or Maybe Just One.

2009-06-14T12:43:00.012+08:00

Isn't it great to wake up feeling you're on top of the world, to know that you have someone special in your life to turn to anytime when you're down? You find the corners of your mouth turning up uncontrollably and it's wondrous happiness but what if it's taken away?

The annoying alarm rings vibrate and spoil your sweet dream. You snooze it for another ten-minute sleep and finally get up to blame the rings for destroying your wonderful dream. It's an irritating reminder of reality and that two loving hearts are still miles apart. You get out of bed and drag yourself to the bathroom, wishing you were still asleep. You put on your working uniform and reluctantly drive to work.

Before you reach, you change your mind abruptly and decide to self-declare an off day like you did the last time. You make up excuses and tell your partner that you'll be late for work. You think you deserve the best employee award. You feel it's okay to not go just because you're downhearted. You run away from responsibilities.

You drive around without destinations. Your vision is getting blurred. You find it hard to breathe and all you can taste is this salty saline solution dripping down from your eyes. After you wipe it off, it comes running down again. You feel that the world is crashing down around you. That someone important who has been watching over you decided to walk out of your life during your darkest days for some reasons.

You are lost. You're sure you never asked for more but he made this decision which he thought was best. You wanted to run this relationship as a team but he chose to fight the battles alone. He chose to give up on the never-ending kisses, the romantic fantasies, the wish list and the dreams shared. You held on tightly no matter what it takes but he let go easily. Your heart starts to bleed, thinking that you're a burden he wanted to lift off his shoulders or maybe he wanted to have more options. You don't wanna make assumptions but they're probably the only few reasons you can think of.

You give your ugly broken smiles but sadly nothing can replace reality. What should you do next? What should I do? Should I end this chapter or leave it without an ending?

I crumpled my wish list paper, tore it into pieces and held the pieces in my cupped hands. After pondering for awhile, I decided to keep it for reference or maybe one day I'll leave them to be taken by the breeze. But not today.

My Workplace Is Hell But It Brings Childhood Memories

2009-06-03T23:47:00.009+08:00

I'm not trying to make a statement that work is boring but being a promoter in Parkson Grand Mahkota Parade is just plain boring! It seems more like a standing competition to me. I mean, how many customers can you expect when there are places like DP and Carrefour? For the past week, I'd spent most of my time building castles in the air, making myself dumber as my brain had stopped functioning for quite awhile when there were very few people checking out the children dresses at my counter. Anyhow, I still enjoy watching how parents pamper their little darlings, trying every possible way to coax their princesses into trying out the dresses and there was this young, pretty lady who even asked me for sweets or chocolates. and at last, she had to play a true tone which went like "Meooow, meoooow..." on her phone just to get her precious daughter to wear the dress. How sweet! It always makes me happy to watch these frolicking children playing hide and seek, chasing after one another, walking hand in hand with their parents, pulling their dad's mustache or kissing their dad's @$$. Naive little rascals!

Sometimes, I wish I could turn back time or time travel back to my past when my brother and I used to catch tadpoles from the drains, build our territory under the old double-decker bed where we hid and imagined we were fighting wars, build our playground in the bedroom, take midnight walks on the rooftop to spy on people and look for our cousins next door, skip a rope till the break of dawn, steal the flags on the offerings during the hungry-ghost festivals and burn them in the old cinema which is now dad's office, go on bike expeditions when I got lost once but managed to find my way home, give names to every single pillow and bolster, I can name a few: Bearku, Dolly, Yellow Hair and many more but frankly speaking, I hated the wrestling, boxing, Dragon Ball, Street Fighter, KOF part when I always got bullied. My hands and legs would be twisted and ended up in wrong positions. All these explain why at times I'm so unladylike but up till today I still miss those days. The fun times of my childhood days.

Last, I wish there were more customers so I didn't have to daydream that often and scribble your name all over my daily sales report.

A Tough Way To Love

2009-05-31T07:46:00.007+08:00

I really appreciate the effort you took just to surprise me at my workplace which brightened another boring working day of mine. You never fail to put a smile on my face.

I've been fighting a battle with myself. There's this honest voice in my head saying things like, "It won't work out", "Keep dreaming but you'll never reach it", "In the end, you would be torn and battered" but at the same time, another stubborn voice inside my heart spoke up and it's easy to follow what my heart says without realizing the price I would have to pay in the future. At times, being naive is good. That's why my heart tends to rule my head, following my instincts blindly. It's not that I'm not aware that it's the tough way but I would gladly take the winding, grassy road less traveled by because you're worth it. Really.

P/S: I love Shrek but I love Shrek's talking donkey even more!

The Longing

2009-05-30T02:28:00.015+08:00

I grew attached and accidentally lost my heart to you. I'm so dead but I'm actually glad I drunk dialed this unique, peculiar, perfumed, scented, honeyed, sugared talking donkey which took a little piece of my heart with it. Since then, there's you. The sweet you =D

And what would I do without you when you're gone? After searching I still can't find the answer. For all I know, my empty arms would be left with nothing to hold. I think over and the question in my head is "When can I hold what I truly want in my tiny hands again?"

Sizzling Hot Plate Noodles

2009-05-23T00:59:00.007+08:00

Everytime I look at it, it never fail to turn up the corners of my mouth =)

Thank You For A Wonderful Night

2009-05-20T05:50:00.005+08:00

I was about to add myself to the list of dead people but I'm glad I didn't join the few zombies roaming on earth.

Noob Vs. Pro. I know about this noob hai who tried hard to perform tricks and demonstrate stunts on the pool table but they turned out to be awfully ugly. It was quite embarrassing but heck, who cares? No matter how awkward, I would still be the first to have a good laugh at myself.

Didn't expect a pool night would end up to be something different but I have to agree with you that spontaneous events bring much exhilaration. Thanks =)

"The last time I freaked out,
I just kept looking down,
I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinking 'bout."

P/S: You still owe me a song!

A Lovely Couple

2009-05-20T04:29:00.008+08:00

We're counting the days until June 14th so there are 26 more days to go! Come back and spare some time with me, I'm missing you like shit! Now look at those two.

Awww...aren't they cute? =P

Independence: A New Beginning

2009-05-15T19:54:00.004+08:00

She glared at the girl in the mirror with narrowed eyes shooting daggers, pointed and said to her unwaveringly, "From today onwards, you're capable of taking care of yourself. He's not gonna care if you're dead or alive. You have to fight on your own in order to live. There's no dead end in this world. Unless you choose to die!"

Beautiful Things In Life

2009-05-11T02:38:00.008+08:00

There are beautiful things in life which never fail to touch my heart and make me feel like I'm walking in the air. The feeling is a tranquil bliss which makes me feel so peaceful that I can smile without a reason =)

Sunsets

Rainbows

Loving couples

A child's smile

Family love

Acts of kindness, a gift which everyone can afford to giveThere's always hope in this world.

Lost In Your Smile

2009-05-01T02:24:00.006+08:00

My heart skips a beat whenever I see you smile =)

Life Is Full Of Challenges. Get Over It!

2009-04-25T02:05:00.012+08:00

Life's full of challenges and every obstacle in our path's a lesson to something new. Lessons in the art of appreciation, lessons in forgiveness, lessons in becoming your best self and so on. Tough times always make you stronger after you successfully defeat what brings you down and pick yourself up from the ground.

In life, you meet mean people. In relationships, you meet the wrong ones. When he loves you, he can be super nice and you feel that you're the luckiest person on earth but after feelings fade, you see the angel halo above his head slowly fading and the devil horns revealing. He tells you he has no time for you and leaves you to bleed, with false hopes. You wait like a fool, not knowing that he's just toying around with your feelings. Every night, you cry yourself to sleep and say encouraging words to make yourself have faith in him. There's no sign but you keep waiting and deep down in your heart, you feel emptiness. You cry a million tears.

And what does he do?

He pretends to be busy when you're around. He gives you the frosty stare when you try to talk to him. Your friends tell you that he's after this girl and you don't believe it till you witness with your own watery eyes. He gives the present that you bought for him to the girl and claims that he bought it on his own. He dedicates this poem to her when long time ago he said it was for you and now you realize it's a lie. You see his true colors and he's not capable of understanding what he's done to you. You wanna understand why but you're hurting yourself. You swallow your pride and try to be forgiving but he doesn't seem to give a shit. His heart belongs to someone else.

And what're you gonna do?

Now, I'm sure I haven't passed this lesson in forgiving but I don't wanna be trapped in this cage of hate. I forced myself to let my clenched fist open but sometimes, I feel the adrenaline bursting through my veins still. In order to forgive, the other party should feel sorry but he's just too self-centered. He doesn't admit that he's a bastard. Some say he's not worthy of my forgiveness but what I still need to do though is to let go and release anger. That's hard but I'm on my way. Or can I just take a shortcut to pretend that I never knew this person? Maybe this rotten apple does not belong living in my precious memory.

This chapter in my life has ended.

Gathering At Q.S. Karaoke

2009-04-19T19:33:00.015+08:00

Well, yesterday night was supposed to be my farewell party but I didn't wanna put it that way. After all, I would still be in Nilai to complete my application for universities so, gathering will do and that makes a lot of difference 'cause being a "V.I.P. of the day" means that you are not allowed to go home unless you're blind drunk!

Initially, we planned to either eat steamboat in Seremban or barbecue at P.D. but, we ended up drinking and singing at Q.S. KTV in Nilai. It was awesome though. It was one holy shit crazy night and I enjoyed myself to the max! Thanks, Selina for the pressie and everyone else for bringing more joy into my life. *Hugs to all*.

At the beginning, we started off drinking slowly, chilling, singing and playing cards/dice. Everything seemed so peaceful. We were enjoying ourselves with the singer of the night, Victoria with her awesome voice playing in the background. I was quite excited but nah, didn't do anything stupid, didn't even try. At least not until they made me bottoms up two bottles of beer and you know, BEER = gas, gas, gas and a lot of burping/puking. EWE!

As usual, I always get effing hyper after drinking. I was running all over the place, camwhoring, head-banging, dancing, screaming, jumping on the sofas and unfortunately, I tripped. TWICE! Once was when I hopped on to my seat, I lost my balance and fell. Another time was when I wanted to pass the mic to Victoria before her song started. I just fell backward from the sofa. Despite the wound and bruises on my knees, I had fun! Lotsa fun!

Fei Lai Suk Suk

Fen & her boyfriend
Fei Lai & Alan

Ong Tong

Victoria, Selina & her boyfriend, Gao Lao

Chok Wei

Soon

WaLi MinPoh Yih

Fen

Victoria

Selina

Playing cards/dice session

Drinking session

Singing session

Dancing session

Alright, time to show you my achievements in the camwhoring session.

Not too many pics huh? Actually there are more but..
I'm not gonna post it 'cause they're freaking ugly!

I love all of you. Thanks for brightening my days! :-* Mwaaaaah!

Oh and this is how my knees look like now. Ouch!!

Beautiful Lady

2009-04-12T08:46:00.005+08:00

Thank you for dedicating this song to me (",)
But firstly, I'm not beautiful and secondly, I'm not lucky enough to be your lady.
There's someone out there, wherever she may be.

Forgive me for the damage I'd caused.

Fate Will Decide

2009-04-12T07:22:00.010+08:00

My little "bean curd" has grown up. I understand that you wanna start life anew. It's good to know that you'll be independent and when the time you told me you'll be leaving Nilai for a fresh start in somewhere else, I actually shed happy tears for you but at the same time I feel heavy-hearted as it's always sad to see someone leave, especially you. These mixed feelings, it's just hard to describe. After all that you've done for me and what we've been through, I can only promise you that I'll take good care of myself. I hope you would do the same. You promised.

You told me this - "There's this way of loving that is to let go." I know it's really hard for you. Well, nobody said that releasing a person you truly love from the grasp of your heart is easy but you'd already taken the first step! It's a good start and soon enough you'll be in a new environment and by then you won't be blinded by love and it'll be easier for you. I believe there's a lucky girl out there for you. Love is not always predictable.

Finally, I wish you luck in your adventurous journey to a new beginning. You found your goals then work for it. I would pray for your happiness and I know you would do the same for me. I'm sorry I can't bid you farewell. Although it could be my last appearance, it would destroy your determination in chasing your dreams like it happened long time ago. We may or may not meet again in future. Let fate decide but you'll definitely be missed =)

"No matter how powerful the darkness, there is always a light shining through."

I Found A Better Me

2009-04-08T19:47:00.004+08:00

Bless the day he left me. Well, I did lose a piece of myself but I'd gained even more! Finally, yes, I found myself. Say "hello" to the new me!

I found my hopes and dreams. They are obvious to me now and I'll keep them alive. I have a loving family and true, amazing friends. They managed to catch me before I hit the ground. They tell me I deserve better. Yes, I think so too!

What's funny is that after so many years, about 6-7 years? I finally got to know why this drunken ex of mine broke up with me back then. I'm so glad that we can still be friends and talk to each other like we've never done that before. I laughed my freaking ass off when you told me you had to write about the stuff you wanted to tell me before we conversed on the phone. I'm so surprised because I did that, too and my list was only slightly longer! Half a page? So, "a toast to being single, to seeing double and enjoying triple!" w00t!

Oh and before I forget, here's my last piece of advice. No matter how shitty you feel or how bad your situation is, please don't lose the moral values that I once saw in you. If you insist on wearing a mask, wear it perfectly and good luck playing with fire! Your arrogance cured me somehow and I thank you for it.

What Do My Stars Say About Me?

2009-04-06T18:51:00.004+08:00

Although what I think about myself could be different from what others think about me,
I think it's more than 80% true.

The Angel And Devil In Her

2009-03-28T21:16:00.004+08:00

He's awakened the devil in her. For once, she thought of being mean to him. She thought of treating him like a clown. She thought of humiliating him in front of crowds. He doesn't respect her and she would do the same to him. The fire was burning in her. The fire of vengeance. The fire of wrath. The demon in her was already charging towards him with her fork but at the same time, there was this voice within which pulled her back.

Her expression softened. The pain and anger vanished. The angel in her is way stronger and has won the battle. She smiled and said to herself, "Let him be. Someday he'll grow up and realize what he's done. I'll give him chances to learn from his mistakes." She forgives him. Or perhaps, she just doesn't give a damn about him anymore.

True Or False?

2009-03-28T19:13:00.008+08:00

I just realized that you're so packed with lies, false hopes and excuses just to prove that you're innocent. If going two ways were the best choice for you, then why did you leave me with false hopes? And after some time, there's this 360-degree change in you. Is it just for the sake of breaking a little, blind, foolish girl's tiny heart?

It really doesn't matter if you're going after this girl whom you used to bitch about. I don't give a shit. Really. But you need to learn how to stop bitching about people and show some respect. Otherwise, don't expect anything in return.

By the way, the little something that I gave you as a birthday present which you told me you very much appreciated it *Oh really?!*, I'll just take it as a bad investment. Don't you feel guity? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? I wish you would tell me that it is just misinformation or hearsay, hearsay...BUT, the question is "Can you prove reality wrong?".

Grieving Time Is Over

2009-03-22T00:18:00.003+08:00

I don't need an answer. I don't need a reason. I appreciated you. I've done my part and this is the furthest I can go. You've built a wall around you, as thick as the Great Walls of China. Your icy cold stare almost killed me. It was venomous but I neither blame you nor hate you. I was the one who allowed my heart to get stabbed. The pain is too much to bare. I'm bleeding. I'm clueless but it doesn't matter anymore. If the best way to love you were to let you go, I would grant you your wish. No matter what, yours I'll never be. Let the hopes and dreams you gave me remain a mystery. Just remember, it was your choice.

The dagger sliced deeper. A million tears remain in me but I do not cry. I don't wanna cry in the deafening silence no more. I don't wanna weep for the memories every night. I miss you, deep within but I can't lie to myself anymore. I have pride. I have dignity. I've re-awakened the self-respect that I've once lost. I can't stay at the steep ledge any longer. I'll never forget you. I'll never regret having you by my side as you were once my happiness. No remorse but no more tears. No more promises.

Now, I'm picking up the scattered pieces from the ground and I'm trying to scrub the letters "T-R-O-Y" which were deeply engraved into my heart. I'd closed the door. I'd tossed the key as far as I could. This tiny heart needs a mending for the time being. Goodbye, my love. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you happiness.

Doreen Tan

2009-03-20T12:01:00.002+08:00

All of a sudden, Ms. Doreen Tan and this quote just came across my mind.

"The heights by great men reached and kept,
were not obtained by sudden flight.
But they, while their companions slept,
were toiling upward in the night."
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Do you guys still remember the stuff she taught us? I remember the eye signals and how Nicole complaint about the way she collected our tuition fees. LOL =P

I Mish You

2009-03-18T19:49:00.004+08:00

I still don't know the reason why you gave up on me and it's hard to accept your "No" and "Sorry". It hurts to let you go and it actually amazes me just how much you still mean to me. Before you left me, I had this CD burned for you but I guess I don't have the chance to pass it to you now and I'm dedicating this song to you. I guess it's one of your favorites and it sings my feelings out for me.

The V.I.P. In My Life

2009-03-15T20:47:00.011+08:00

So, recently I had my <3 broken and I wanna thank a few people for being with me. I really appreciate those lovely text messages, the long talks, the time spent just to hear me whining, the comforting words and the tissue papers offered. I love you people!

My brother, Sebastian. Thanks for checking on me from time to time.

Though you denied, this picture still reminds me of someone. LMAO

My girlfriends for life.
From the left, Huey Juen, Hui Ying, Me and Joo Huei

Hui Ying - I'll see you in May. Missing you like shit!

I know you're only a screen away, hun! Come back in June!
Joo Huei - My all-time favorite counsellor. When's our next appointment?
Aun Joo - You're kinda depressed lately but still you spared time with me. Yay!
Jia Zheng - You gave me the courage to dial his number.

Nicholas - The clown. Sometimes you talk too much =X

Harvin - Single can mingle, double means trouble. True!Li Min - I looove driving your van around! Wheeeee!
Poh Yih - When's our next trip to Cyberjaya Old Town?Suresh - "Never let the fear of striking out get in your way" Do the happy-and-sour-face magic for me again!Leslie - You'll need to slap me hard but that won't stop me from believing =P

I'm sorry for the sour faces, for bugging you people, for spacing out and drifting into my own world. Hopefully things will get better soon enough. At least I know that there are shoulders to cry on and people I can turn to. It's enough for me. Love.

I Used To Love

2009-03-09T20:48:00.032+08:00

I used to love sitting in between your legs,
watching the stars shine brightly in the sky.
The feeling of love was so strong and true,
in the destined presence of you and I.

I used to love putting my head on your lap,
feeling your warm fingers on my cheek.
It was the tender touch of your love,
a touch so gentle that made me weak.

I used to love popping my head out of the gate,
watching you leave and wave goodbye.
You wanted a little more time with me,
I could tell by the look in your captivating eyes.

I used to love observing your sunshiny smile,
while you were watching Russell Peters.
You lighten up my tiny, fragile heart,
and brought me much joy and laughter.

Though good things in life only lasted a while,
I truly believe that my dreams will come true.
Someday we will see a rainbow smiling through,
and find ourselves doing the things we used to.

~~<{@ *Dedicated to this very special someone in my life.*

They Say I'm Stupid

2009-03-08T08:29:00.022+08:00

Why, yes I'm just too naive to keep believing. Maybe someday. Who knows? Miracles happen. My heart ached badly when you told me it was THE END but I was smiling =) because I believed and I'm still believing that there'll be a NEXT EPISODE of us.

I Still Believe

Somehow I know I will find a way to a brighter day in the sun
Somewhere I know that he waits for me
Someday soon he'll see I'm the one

I won't give up on this feeling
And nothing could keep me away

'Cause I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
'Cause I still believe, believe in love

I know what's real cannot be denied
Although it may hide for awhile
With just one touch love can calm your fears
Turning all your tears into smiles

It's such a wondrous feeling
I know that my heart can't be wrong

'Cause I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
'Cause I still believe, believe in love

Love can make miracles change everything
Lift you from the darkness and make your heart sing
Love is a river when you fall it's the greatest power of all

Oh, I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
'Cause I still believe, believe in love
Yes I still believe, believe in love
I still believe in love
I still believe, believe in love

Scattered Pieces

2009-03-04T03:35:00.013+08:00

Happiness requires effort,
whereas unhappiness is easy.
Unhappiness then leads to anger,
and anger makes happiness impossible.

You know I can't smile without you :(

Mend My Broken Heart

2009-02-23T03:46:00.023+08:00

I spent most of my time waiting,
for your call, for a response, for a chance to be with you.
But all I could taste were my salty tears.
My smile faded and my hopes shattered.
I was feeling left out in your life.
I'm missing your intimate touch.
I'm longing to be in your arms.
And I'm trying my very best to catch up with you.
All I want is a lil' time for "Me & You".
You have dreams and you are my dream come true.
That is why I'm chasing you.
I'm panting hard and I don't know if I caught up with you.
Don't abandon me baby.
Please don't turn your back and walk away.
I could feel the tears streaming down my face.
My heart is fragile, so handle it with care,
and put the pieces back together.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-16T01:45:00.020+08:00

Every February 14th, gifts, chocolates and roses are often exchanged between loved ones and it's a day usually treasured by women but who says men don't look forward to this day? Like women, men want to feel celebrated and adorned on Valentine's day. They want to be loved, desired and pampered just as much as women do. Tell me if I'm wrong.

On this special day, I spent most of my time with friends in Nilai. The area around our campus was flooded with loving couples and groups of friends. It seemed like it was the first time I ever seen Nilai so happening. Usually this place is dead and it looks haunted. Well, slightly better than "Silent Hill" town. At least that's what I think.

After midnight, when I was outside My Box waiting for a room for Karaoke, there was this guy who worked at D Max hair salon, walked up to me, wished me "Happy Valentine's Day" and gave me this Chicken Plush wrapped up nicely. My eyebrows went up and my jaw dropped as I didn't expect this but at the same time, I knew it wasn't specially for me. I'm sure he was just giving it to random girls to get more customers. Maybe he thought my hair was messy and needed a haircut?

Valentine's day to me is a special day to enhance your creative skills, to make your loved one feel appreciated and to show your passion in every possible way. It is a chance given to add colors and some spice into relationships. Every February 14th is something new to me and I spent more than half of the day of 2009's Valentine's day waiting. Thanks to you! I left you wandering around the shopping mall all alone for quite some time but I knew it was a sensible choice after I saw your smile =P Fair and square then. Despite you being late, everything turned out fantastic! Dinner at Taro, roses, gifts and most importantly you kept your promise to dance for me. Yay!

I'll never get enough of you baby.

Money Can't Buy Time

2009-02-06T10:37:00.017+08:00

Have you ever waited for someone and after one hour they haven't showed up? Or you wake up late, miss an appointment and everything is screwed. My brother once told me that if we woke up late and half the day was gone, we would feel shitty for the rest of the day. Yes, I have to agree with him. It is so true.

The sand of the hour glass flows. Time is so very precious. It is ever on the move and once gone, it will never return and where does it go?

Seriously, I don't mind waiting for 15 minutes or so but anybody who would make me wait for more than 45 minutes is so gonna get an icy stare from me! They better not talk to me after they showed up.

We show a lack of respect for other people's time for being late and time management, of course, is the key to punctuality. There are many things that we could do to prevent ourselves from being late like getting up early, planning things ahead, predicting the time we need to travel from one place to another or even set our clocks back a few minutes.

So, next time if you know you're gonna be late, please inform the other party. Don't keep people waiting and please don't delay your existing appointments for other new appointments. If your schedule is too tight, don't make promises at all.

Nobody can turn back time or rewind the clock. So, please, don't make me wait.

One-week Holiday

2009-01-29T17:38:00.003+08:00

Our one week semester break is coming to an end which means that I'll have to go back to Nilai very soon. *Sighs sadly*. Frankly speaking, I don't like it there. Not anymore. The place is so dead but with some friends, life could be much better in Nilai. At least, they never fail to put a smile on my face.

"Bila nak minum? I wanna see the stupid things that you do when you're drunk!" I got this lovely text message from Suresh. *Grins*. You'll see the hyperactive me soon enough. I promise. Liquor or beer, my dear?

So, for the past few days, I'd been spending most of my time with this someone special. Most of the nights spent was at Pure and I'm terribly sorry that I said some hurting words when I was tipsy that night. It was all because of that last glass of Tequila Pop. Lick salt, drink, bite lemon and I'll go WHEEEEE!!!

I don't know why there were no curfews for the past few days but I shouldn't be taking advantage. I should learn to deal with temptations and go home early. I never failed to sleep in the car with my Pvt. Ltd. pillow, bolster and blanket. YOU know what I mean! *Winks*.

Karaoke Night

2009-01-22T15:18:00.014+08:00

How to release stress and relieve the baggage of life? I'm so tensed up and I decided to go Karaoke with my friends. Well, Karaoke is my favorite thing to do and I have amazing friends who are always there for me. So, I sang my lungs out. To be more specific, I wasn't even singing. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Though I lost my voice after a few songs and my voicebox is paining still. It felt awesome! No hangovers, no punching, no pinching or any other ways to hurt myself. We were just enjoying ourselves, dancing on the sofas, drinking like we'll never get drunk, throwing peanuts at each other and I'll let the pictures do the talking.

This idiot tripped

And he also bullied me! Nabeh 0\(><)/0

I'm Not Over You

2009-01-22T14:31:00.011+08:00

*Knock knock*

"Delivery! Miss, this is your clean bath towel and some money from him and your clothes are still at the laundry shop."

Okay, so it wasn't like that, but Selina knocked on my door early in the morning and brought me things that I needed. My eyes were filled with tears. When will he get over me? But now the question is "How do I get over him?"

Your Last Request

2009-01-21T04:52:00.008+08:00

I found this little note that you left for me and I grant you your wish. Thank you for leaving footprints in my life.

Only Memories Will Remain

2009-01-21T03:57:00.011+08:00

Feelings fade but memories remain. It hurts me to see the tears streaming down your face. Tears of pain, tears of sorrow, tears of regret. My heart's torn apart. You looked into my eyes and asked what I'm not satisfied about you. Nothing. I couldn't speak. I only gave you a blank stare but I know it's time to let go and move on.

You used to clip my nails, comb my hair, took care of me. You've done more than enough to melt my heart. You made me happy and I'm sorry I'm not willing to try to work things out. I'm afraid that I might hurt you again. I let you down. Things can't be the way they used to be. It's not easy but I'm sure you'll get over me someday and I'll pray hard for your happiness.

Chocolate Sundaes, Coke and a lot more remind me of you. Thank you for the bitter and sweet memories. I'll remember you, always. Please forgive me =(

I'm so gonna miss you.